Lindsay Lohan as the Nun in Machete

Not perfect, mind you, but bloody funny all the same.

The bullets flew, the blood splattered, and Machete took care of business with a grim face and witty lines. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that there was some skin, and Rodriguez knew how to pick his feature ladies.

Out of all the cast, Michelle Rodriguez as Luz was hands-down the most memorable, but I really did enjoy Jessica Alba as the slick agent Sartana.

But I bet the fan boys are going to be talking the most about Lindsay Lohan , who plays the slutty web vixen, April.

Lindsay has no real part to speak of, she’s only in the film a few minutes, and she barely acts at all, but did I mention she appears nude in the film?

Twice.

Yeah, it was a bit of a surprise. One minute you’re expecting her to be coy and the next she’s naked in the pool. And if that wasn’t good enough she’s back near the end for a closeup before she dons the nun outfit from the promos.

Slow down though, fan boys. Before you start lining up, I think it’s more than a little possible that Robert Rodriguez played a little trick on fans.

In some recent interviews Jessica Alba admitted that her one shower scene, where it looks like she’s naked (but not facing the camera directly), was actually a digital effect. She shot the scene in underwear and Rodriguez’s digital effects wizards removed the clothes in post production.

So, once you see the scene with Lohan in the pool, I think it’s safe to say some wizardry was at work there as well. The woman in the pool who is supposed to be Lohan doesn’t really look much like the real Miss Lohan.

It’s kind of a weird moment, actually, because it comes out of nowhere. Before I could even think, “there’s no way Lindsay is getting naked,” the porno music was playing and Machete, played by Danny Trejo, was getting in the pool with Lindsay and Rachel Marek, who played April’s mother.

Jump ahead to one of Lindsay’s final scenes though and Lohan gets up from a couch, naked, and walks toward the camera. The difference is that Lohan is somewhat hiding behind her hair — at least briefly — but it also looked real this time.

So, I’m confused. First of all, why did Lindsay even do this movie — just for a nude scene? But, I also don’t get what was going on — Lindsay looks completely different in the two scenes, so either it was a weird film effect, or she just refused to do full-frontal, but agreed to do something coy?

All the same, if you’re going to Machete to see the nudity, you’re totally missing out. Machete is a damn cool movie, with a decent message about American immigration too, and while the nudity sells the film as a modern exploitation/action mash-up, Rodriguez sells the film with genuine movie mojo all the way through.

His supporting cast also rocks; Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, and Tom Savini? Sylvester Stallone and his Expendables should be taking notes. This is how it’s done.

With the Labour Day long weekend ahead, I also can’t think of a better way to herald the end of blockbuster season.

“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” pretty much sums up how I feel about the Toronto International Film Festival too, and every September I look forward to the movies, the stars, the red carpets, the press conferences, and of course, the parties.

From the Canadian Film Centre’s annual BBQ, to the opening night party, and of course, all of the random parties for the films and stars, TIFF is a socialite’s dream each September. For ten days the city is packed with interesting people from across Canada and around the world. (And if you’re a star, it’s also a chance to schmooze through dozens of gift lounges, but so far I haven’t had the fortune of getting in on that gravy train.)

Otherwise though, I’m lining up my invites and the list of events and trying to fit those around the interviews, red carpets, and the press conferences. I really can’t complain; Toronto has become a world class party city during TIFF, and while I care a lot more for the movie screenings and interviews, I won’t be turning any party invites down if I can help it.

Mary Poppins

From Dirty Dancing, Saturday Night Fever, Flashdance, Save the Last Dance, and Billy Elliot, to Moulin Rouge, Clerks II, and even American Pie, the video rolls through more than four decades of classic scenes. Check it out below and see if you can name all the films…

Bell's Samsung Galaxy S Vibrant

Of course, the big failure here then is the guy who sold me the phone. He said this plan would still cover me for unlimited usage, and in the last week no one I talked to at Bell even bothered to check that.

I’m now on a plan that offers what I consider a measly 6 Gb of data. That should do me fine, but I still feel ripped off, and it shouldn’t have been this difficult to get such a simple problem fixed.

Not too long ago I had the good sense to upgrade my phone and buy a Samsung Galaxy S Vibrant from Bell Mobility. It’s a great phone that I use a lot, and I was glad I upgraded from the get-go.

On August 20 I was contacted by Bell Mobility’s loyalty department though about a problem: I was suddenly downloading data that the system was telling them was from tethering the phone to a computer and using the phone as a modem.

I was a little unsure what was going on – I have an unlimited plan from Bell from a few years ago, so all data usage should be covered, and I have never tethered my phone. I had connected it by USB to syncronize data, but that was it.

They said this charge would be erased because it was clearly a mistake, but they’d have to approve it and I should make sure the phone was not set to tether any more.

I checked the Vibrant’s settings and sure enough, it had tethering on by default so I turned it off. I didn’t hear from Bell again, so I assumed the problem was dealt with.

Today, I had the sense to check my unbilled usage and while I can’t quite understand it, it looks like I’m still being billed for data, and I can tell you, I still have never tethered my phone.

Tethering is off, but I see data items as “pay-per-use.” If you do a quick search, I found the issue explained, and even found Bell’s site referring to the problem.

Phones need an access point (APN) to connect to the internet and Bell apparently bills based on which access point you use. They use “inet.bell.ca” for tethering and “pda.bell.ca” for normal phone use. Checking my own settings, the APN on my Galaxy is set to the “inet.bell.ca”.

Now, I don’t know if some staff member at the Eaton Centre store, a corporate location for the record, was using this phone to tether before I bought it from them, or if all the Galaxy’s are being given out with this APN. Or maybe I just had a confused staff member? I’m still waiting to find out if the APN is really a problem at all, but looking at my unbilled usage, I’m betting it is.

If you’re having issues with Bell claiming you have tethered your phone when you haven’t, check your APN settings, but make sure you talk to customer service first before you change anything. I’ll post an update when I have more information, but I just wanted to post this warning while it was all still fresh.

For now I’ll try to keep my outrage to a minimum because I have faith Bell is going to make this right for me, and hopefully anyone else who has had the same issue…

The Book of Pure Evil from Todd and the Book of Pure Evil

The show is a fun, gory half-hour comedy about high school students who find a demonic book that can make all your dreams come true… with some consequences.

The main cast and the show’s creator were on hand with props from the show after press got a chance to watch the first two episodes.

It was definitely the kind of show I can see myself watching, and I appreciate that it’s Canadian, clever, well-made, and very unique.

I’ll have video online soon, so stay tuned. For now, here are a few dark photos of props from the show.

Todd & The Book of Pure Evil stars Alex House as Todd, Maggie Castle as Jenny, Billy Turnbull as Curtis, Melanie Leishman as Hannah, Chris Leavins as Atticus Murphy Jr., and Jason Mewes as Jimmy the Janitor. The series debuts on Space on September 29, and you can also catch the cast during a special panel at this weekend’s Fan Expo event in Toronto.

Todd's homunculus

An ice cream sandwich at the CNE

First though, Aisha and I spent the afternoon at the Toronto Islands. That actually got kicked off with something different — an extended ferry ride to Centre Island to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the restored Trillium ferry.

After riding around on a rented two-seater bicycle, we hopped on a water taxi that took us straight to Ontario Place, right across the street from the CNE.

That meant we also entered The Ex through the main Princes’ Gates, which is relatively rare for us.

Anyway, it was a great afternoon downtown, and The Ex was pretty busy. We wandered through the main attractions, took in the wares at some of the buildings, visited with the animals at the farm building, and of course had to enjoy the annual tradition: ice-cream sandwiches.

I’m going to be writing about The Ex during the next two weeks, so stay tuned for more updates and photos. The Ex runs until September 6, when it wraps up with the annual air show weekend.

For those of you who plan to visit the CNE in the evening on weekdays, it’s also worth noting that you can get in for $5 after 5:00 PM on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays.

If you’re looking for a really good deal though, Aisha calls this the “cheapest thrill” at The Ex: 25 cents buys you a foot massage from the Footsie Wootsie. It’s something like 2 minutes of bone-vaporizing madness that has to be experienced to be believed, but you’ll certainly walk away feeling like you got your quarter’s worth.

The Footsie Wootsie at the CNE

Two amazing talents worked together to make “Only”. First, of course, you have the man behind NIN, Trent Reznor.

I’m a big NIN fan, but while I have a lot of early favorites, “Only” is easily a top-five favorite, behind only “Every Day Is Exactly The Same”, and of course “Hurt” and “Closer”.

Next though you’ve got big-shot music video and film director David Fincher, who created the video almost entirely with CGI. The only elements that aren’t computer graphics are the man’s hand in the first few opening frames, and the cars seen in the background of the wide angle shots.

Each week in Video Hits I feature a new music video to admire, mock, and discuss. From the great to the awful, whether they’re from twenty years or twenty minutes ago, check back for more each week.

For you Canadians out there, the title of this series is totally a tribute to CBC’s original 80s TV series, Video Hits.

That’s why, even though I’ve had my current phone for less than two years, I’m seriously thinking it’s time to get an Android phone. I’m still debating if I really need to ditch my old, fairly acceptable HTC phone, but after playing with some of the new phones that have arrived, I’m having a hard time resisting.

Samsung Galaxy S Vibrant

And on the other hand, Rogers Wireless has the Sony Ericsson Xperia X10, which is fairly similar to the Galaxy S, but it has an 8.1 megapixel camera. (Rogers is also advertising it on their website as having Android 1.6, while Bell says the Galaxy S comes with Android 2.1. That’s a minor point, since you can always upgrade it, but it seemed a bit funny all the same.)

Essentially the biggest difference here is whether you want the higher resolution camera, or whether you want to stick with Bell or Rogers, but it’s also notable that the Xperia X10 sells for $99 on a three year contract, while Bell charges $149 for the Galaxy S. Both phones also have distinctly different menu styles, so it may also be a question of what you’re used to.

For me, I think I’ll wait a little longer, but I’m leaning towards the Samsung, mainly because I loved my previous Samsung phone, but also because I preferred the shape of it to the Sony Ericsson. I also realize though that there are likely some amazing phones coming out soon for the holiday shopping rush — the question is just whether they’ll be as interesting as either of these phones.

No doubt though, there is a catch, but most cell phone users are probably aware of it already. When I was asking questions at the Bell store, I found out that signing up for a data plan now is part of your contract. So if you sign up for three years of service on your calling plan, you’re also signing up for three years on the data plan.

Let me know if you have any feedback from your experience with either phone, or if you have your eye on a different Android phone.

Sony Ericsson Xperia X10

Brandon Flowers from the video Crossfire

Once I started looking around though, and watching a few videos, it hit me instantly: Brandon Flowers’ “Crossfire”.

You’ve got good, old Brandon Flowers singing this coy and haunting power ballad, and he’s looking all defeated as he’s tied to a chair. Then — blam — dust and rubble explode as two ninjas fly through the air and Charlize Theron appears to save the day, offing another ninja without even looking.

That’s right. Brandon Flowers, ninjas, and Charlize Theron in a music video for a really catchy song. (It’s also basically the most interesting thing Charlize has done since The Italian Job and Arrested Development, but maybe that’s just me.)

Watch it and then have your say below!

Each week in Video Hits I feature a new music video to admire, mock, and discuss. From the great to the awful, whether they’re from twenty years or twenty minutes ago, check back for more each week.

For you Canadians out there, the title of this series is totally a tribute to CBC’s original 80s TV series, Video Hits.

Michael Emerson in a scene from Lost's The New Man In Charge

Well, leading up to the release of the complete collection on DVD and Blu-ray later this month, someone has gotten their hands on the 12-minute epilogue, “The New Man In Charge,” and you can watch it right here.

Starring in the short are Lost regulars Michael Emerson, Jorge Garcia, and… who’s that? Malcolm David Kelley as the one and only Waaaaaaaaalt.

Check it out for a few answers, some more questions, and in all likelihood, some sort of lead up to the spin-off that seems all too likely.

[Update:] Sometime around midnight the video was pulled from the web. YouTube still has clips from the video, which aired on television recently, but the full-length video is gone from all reputable sites (the full-length video below has been replaced with a clip).

I can give you a quick rundown of what happened though.

Benjamin Linus (Michael Emerson) walks into a shipping room in Guam with two guys who are packing Dharma boxes with various labels and tells them that their job is done and they can close the place down and go home.

He says he’s from the “home office,” but they look confused and say that “Nobody from the home office has ever come out here.” He says there’s a new man in charge and he’s been sent to tie up a few loose ends.

The guys are upset and don’t understand what’s going on — they’ve been sending shipments of food out on “drones” for years with no interruption — which is when Ben tells them that Dharma has been gone for almost twenty years, the Lamp Post station in California hasn’t been manned in years, and all of their instructions they received have been automatically sent out from a computer. In other words, all the shipments dropped on the Island were just routine.

To calm them down Ben promises to answer one question each. One guy wants to know where the shipments were going. Ben tells him to an island, and the guy asks how that’s possible when the coordinates keep changing. Ben answers that the Island moves.

The other guy wants to know why they’re shipping polar bear cookies to an island that seems to be somewhere in the tropics.

Ben shows them both a Dr. Chang orientation video that helps explain that there were tests on the Island and animals were used in these experiments. Dr. Chang briefly mentions in this video that electromagnetism near one of the stations had very negative effects on pregnancies.

After he leaves the two dumbfounded guys, Ben goes to the Santa Rosa mental health institution and asks to see “Keith Johnson”… it’s actually Walt. Walt is playing the game Connect Four and asks if Ben is there to abduct him again.

To this, Ben apologizes and says he’s genuninely sorry, but “What’s done is done. I can’t change the past, I can only take responsibility for it.”

They discuss that Walt has had a hard time, pretending he’s someone else, and Ben wants to help him because he’s special and has work to do — including helping his father.

Walt says, “My father’s dead,” to which Ben replies, “It doesn’t mean you can’t help him.”

Ben invites Walt to go with “us” and hands him a Dharma granola bar. They leave the hospital and go to a blue Dharma van parked outside, which has Hurley inside. Walt says he always hoped someone would come back to find him since he thought he was crazy, but Hurley says he just needs to get back to the island, which is where he belongs because he has a job to do there.

Fade to black, and then the words “Lost” appear on the screen in white, just like they always did.